Something New?

I’v had a hard time coming up with the title for this peace because it covers so much ground. I think the most significant part that strikes me is that  what I learned was new to me but shouldn’t have been. Had I known some of the things I’m about to share; I may not have made the choices that I have made or went through the pain that I’v experienced.

Some of the names that I came up with were ‘It’s all about him’, ‘Why didn’t I know this already’, and ‘Wow, coming from HIM what great advice! lol’. I found that the one I chose will capture I hope the variety of attention and comments.

What I learned after heated debates and discussions with my live in boyfriend is that Men in general don’t give in because they actually care about your feelings but because it’s the easiest way to get you to shut up, not complain, not have any more “talks” and just plane keep the peace. As for women we Think that he is a loving caring man whao gives a damb about how you feel …. when in fact that is not the case at all.

This information was obtained from several men, different ages and backgrounds. They all had that same theme; that they do things that ‘appear’ to be for their spouse or partner but in fact are for themselves. Well, this was news to me I actually thought there were men who cared about their womens feelings.

Im sure this doesn’t go for all men but unfortunatly in my life it really seems to be true. People can only speak on their own experiences.

I guess in the end if the result to the woman is that she really feels loved and respected and listened to… then its ok that she lives in a “technical” lie. And the spouse gets what he wants and reaps the benifits of the make believe life he has created…. I guess if the man can live with that then it doesn’t matter.

I also thought about if the man told the truth that he simply didnt care what would the results be … no relationships, more divorces and breakups… and relationships that are more disfuncitional than they already are.

Oh well now I know – Something New. So I don’t expect him to care …. just make adjustments to make my life better as well… does nothing for romance or love but in the end “What’s love got to do with it….. ” (Tina Turner)

Remembering YOU!

As a woman I am in constant work of taking care of everyone but me. I’m writing this mostly to the women but for the men or partners that love them ….. to help them to remember themselves.

I am a mother, sister, “wifey”, friend, cousin, aunt, co-worker, nurse, doctor, mediator, cook, transportation (cabby),  administrator, boss, CEO …. you get the picture. I sometimes get caught up in everyone’s life and mine is put on the back burner.

Over the years personally I have neglected a lot of things that are/were important to me to please, satisfy, and sacrificed for others in the family. One of the problems is that what I see as a sacrifice others see as my duty or choice and it’s not as appreciated as I may have either wanted it to be or as I feel it was.

My point is that what we see in our lives as something that we gave up or put off for the good of others…. is not necessarily how others see it. In the end you can have a lot of bad feelings toward the very people you put in all the work for.

I have at the tender age of 41 discovered that I should have put in a lot more time with myself … that there were things I could have done and everyone would have still been alright. I have learned that it is ok to be “selfish” cause taking care of yourself is not really selfish. I took that word to mean something else.. and waisted a lot of time.

I am the mother of an infant now after raising 4 sons on my own baby being 20. I enjoy every second of my daughter and love myself in a way I never thought I could. I struggle with the “selfish” feelings that I get like when I get my hair done … because I think of all the other things I could be spending the money on. My first step to ‘recovery’ is to get it done anyway…  I always feel beautiful afterwords it’s a nice break and worth it.

Getting myself financially straight and secure is the other struggle and making sure I keep a healthy relationship with my friends is the other…. Friends… that will be another blog… and love… yeah… well Security is my priority now for me and my daughter. Love use to drive everything. It was at the top of the list…. I have different views about that now I’m sure love, fidelity, and honesty exist but I’m learning it’s not the driving force…another blog.

As for this blog Don’t forget you… you only have one life. Figure

Become your own sun

out what you love… become your own sun and let the world revolve around you … It’s your turn to shine…

  

 

Forgiveness

What is your interpretation of forgiveness ?   Does it mean forgive and forget or can you forgive and keep your distance. Is one wrong or both right? I have more questions than answers. I personnally believe you can forgive someone and live as though they don’t exist. I think even being in their presence that you don’t hafve to acknowledge them.

I was told that that is not forgiveness……. God doesn’t want us to be stupid and put ourselves in harms way. Anyway that’s my opinion.

How do you Deal with Death?

How I deal  with loosing my immediate family is different everyday. I know we all have to deal with death at some point in our life, how we ‘deal’ with it has an amazing affect on our life. Some people shut down, some people become social butterflies, some people act like it never happened.

I deal with my loss  different everyday. Every second of everyday I’m reminded that my family is gone. I lost my Mother first 8 years ago. I hear her talking to  me and giving me advice. When things are rough I wish I could feel her hug, lay in her lap. The years don’t make it any easier. I lost my brother first and then my father two weeks later to cancer soon to be 3 years. My mother and father were always in the back of my mind that I would have to face their death. But my brother died  just a few months after our birthday, which is 364 days apart, at the age of 40.

Having chosen Hospice for my brother to leave this life at  home, you could never be ready for it. They help you and prepare you for your help with your loved one. Nothing can prepare you or help you to watch someone you love die. I watched my brother go from a vibrant strong man to a shell of his former self in every way… physically and mentally and then his last breath.

I see his face and his body every day in my face and I can’t help him. Some days are worse than other but most days I remember good things….. things that make me laugh or things that he said….

I watched my father two weeks later go through the same transformation except my father never made it home. I left the hospital having to deal with not  only their passing, but everything that  goes with it…notifying loved ones, planning another  funeral, getting affairs in order, packing up the remaining items…etc. and then dealing with the reality every day…. when everyone is back to their normal routine… I have to deal with it. There are no words

No words…. I just deal with death

A day to celebrate “Us” ……Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day! What does this day mean to you? I watched a commercial about Valentines Day the other day and it said that the day should be a celebration of the love you share with someone not just another  “I love you day”. I loved that sentiment… A day to celebrate “Us” “Our relationship”.

Have you  thought about how you will celebrate your Valentines Day? I always have these  over the top ideas in my head for the special day. I want to do dinner, flowers and poems, songs and all the mushy stuff.

I also give my grown kids some kind of Valentine just to let them know I love and appreciate them. Its usually some kind of candy and a card or something like that. I especially loved getting thing from the kids when they were young it was always so innocent and loving.

I love to see the show of affection on this special day between couples. I personally love holding hands and laying my head on his shoulder. Yes my special man …. I love things like that.

Try something new if you have not done Valentines Day up. Try something different something out of the box.