How I deal with loosing my immediate family is different everyday. I know we all have to deal with death at some point in our life, how we ‘deal’ with it has an amazing affect on our life. Some people shut down, some people become social butterflies, some people act like it never happened.
I deal with my loss different everyday. Every second of everyday I’m reminded that my family is gone. I lost my Mother first 8 years ago. I hear her talking to me and giving me advice. When things are rough I wish I could feel her hug, lay in her lap. The years don’t make it any easier. I lost my brother first and then my father two weeks later to cancer soon to be 3 years. My mother and father were always in the back of my mind that I would have to face their death. But my brother died just a few months after our birthday, which is 364 days apart, at the age of 40.
Having chosen Hospice for my brother to leave this life at home, you could never be ready for it. They help you and prepare you for your help with your loved one. Nothing can prepare you or help you to watch someone you love die. I watched my brother go from a vibrant strong man to a shell of his former self in every way… physically and mentally and then his last breath.
I see his face and his body every day in my face and I can’t help him. Some days are worse than other but most days I remember good things….. things that make me laugh or things that he said….
I watched my father two weeks later go through the same transformation except my father never made it home. I left the hospital having to deal with not only their passing, but everything that goes with it…notifying loved ones, planning another funeral, getting affairs in order, packing up the remaining items…etc. and then dealing with the reality every day…. when everyone is back to their normal routine… I have to deal with it. There are no words
No words…. I just deal with death